It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time. -Tallulah Bankhead
It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman. -Alexandre Dumas
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials. -Ronald Knox
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. -Joan Rivers
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. -Emo Philips
Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. -Yul Brynner
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. -Chauncey Mitchell Depew
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less. -Brendan Francis
Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. -Bob Rubin
We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time. -Arthur Hoppe
I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know. -Garry Shandling
I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you. It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.-Mariella Frostrup
Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it. -Cary Grant
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. -Albert Einstein
Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare
A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead. ~Leo Rosten
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. -Chauncey Mitchell Depew
I`m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
-Garry Shandling
It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
-Tallulah Bankhead
Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
-Yul Brynner
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
-Ronald Knox
I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you. It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.
-Mariella Frostrup
We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.
-Arthur Hoppe
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
-Albert Einstein
A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part.
-Redd Foxx
Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie.
-William Shakespeare
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.
-Cary Grant
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
-Emo Philips
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
-Joan Rivers
Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.
-William Shakespeare
Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range. -Scott E. Roeben
Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring. -S. J. Perelman
An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card. -Alex comfort
Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies. -Adrienne Gusoff
I'm definitely claustrophobic. I have a morbid fear of tight spaces. Thankfully, with my girlfriend, I'll never have a problem with that. -Scott E. Roeben
I am skilled at the art of love. I just wish I had a bigger paintbrush. -Scott E. Roeben
I guess you could call me a polygamist. Sometimes I switch hands. -Scott E. Roeben
A man must be potent and orgasmic to ensure the future of the race. A woman only needs to be available. -Masters and Johnson
An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card. -Alex comfort
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. -Emo Philips
Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. -Joan Rivers
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. -Emo Philips
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it. -Cary Grant
Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, Stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare
A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part. -Redd Foxx
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. -Albert Einstein
I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you. It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.-Mariella Frostrup
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials. -Ronald Knox
Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. -Yul Brynner
It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time. -Tallulah Bankhead
I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know. -Garry Shandling
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. -Chauncey Mitchell Depew
It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman. -Alexandre Dumas
The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently. -Margaret Smith
Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.
Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. -Bob Rubin
We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time. -Arthur Hoppe
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less. -Brendan Francis
Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it.
Sex is like nose picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting watching someone else doing it. -Roald Dahl
There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. -Woody Allen.
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